So the fun and games of my birthday have ended, and the cold reality of back to work has begun. Wednesday was my first day back at SNL and Thursday was my first day back on the  job. SNL was relaxed as always; a bit quieter due to the departure of some of the interns from last semester but other than that it was business as usual. I've met just one of the newbies, Gillian, who seems really nice. This week the host is Jake Gyllenhall with musical guests The Shins.

Work however, was pretty busy and tiring. More often than not I found myself making too many mistakes and slacking off (to the mild annoyance of my boss) but when I got into gear I did what I was supposed to do. Worked damn near all day, from 10 until 7:30. By the time I was done I was exhausted...met up with Mike for a bit and headed home. I was kinda harassed by a cop, thinking he was funny. He came up to me and said something about looking for me for a long time, and put his hand on my back moving me towards his cop car. I thought it was a case of mistaken identity, but then he said "just kidding". Mike didn't think it was so funny, and neither did I. But what could we do? The guy was a cop. I guess he thought he'd give the random black guy he came across a good scare. Mike and the cop almost exchanged words but I quickly moved us along; it wasn't worth getting him locked up or God-knows-what that cop might have done if things escalated. My opinion of the NYPD has now lowered significantly.

But anyway...I don't want to think too much about that. I'm back at SNL in the morning and tomorrow, Sunday I'll be in the company of my high school buddies for a reunion and post-birthday get together. All I ask now is for some sanity and peace of mind to get through what's looking to be a very rough road ahead for me.

                                                                                                           SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!

Ah yes. It is with a very contented sigh that I update this entry now; today being the day of my 22nd birthday It seems like just yesterday I was all amped for turning 18...man am I getting old. And seeing as I'm one of the oldest in my close circle of friends I've been the butt of many 'old man' jokes today but oh well. We can't stay young forever, no matter how much we'd like to.

The day was wonderful from start to end; woke up to some phone calls from family and friends wishing me well, then to some gifts from my parents and sister. This year I got Everybody Hates Chris season 1 on DVD (love that show) and some accessories for my Nintendo DS. I didn't really ask for much this year; getting the Wii for Christmas was unprecedented and I figured that I'd suffice with whatever I was given (even if I got nothing I'd be content). Then I spent some time watching TV, answering a few more calls (including one from my brother back home in Trinidad) and then I headed out to Times Square to meet up with Tania, Steven and Carmen for bowling There would have been more people, but they had other plans. I should have given them more notice, but it's ok. We bowled a few games, making random jokes about the fact that it's nothing like Wii Bowling (Tania and Carmen have a Wii, and Steven frequently plays Tania's, as he's her boyfriend). It was a lot of fun. Afterwards we had a brief stint on some DDR, on which I was soundly beaten (I am not a DDR player by any means) but we still enjoyed ourselves. Following that we had dinner at Applebee's which was quite delicious. The night was full of fun, laughter and good times, I can't complain in the slightest.

So now, what's ahead? I return to SNL tomorrow, this Sunday the gang from high school will be getting together to celebrate my birthday and then school.

They say that with age comes wisdom. I think that's very true, but at the same time there comes an underlying sense that you have to become something more that what your new age stands for. That's how I've been feeling lately, especially since this year will find me...somewhere..doing....something.....for a career. That something has yet to be determined, but I promise you I'll make sure to do everything I can to ensure it'll be something I love.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to wish me a happy birthday, regardless of the means. I really appreciate it

                                                                                        HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPACE COWBOY!

It is the eve of my 22nd birthday, and at this moment I find myself strangely perplexed but rife with an underlying sense of serenity. The reason for my perplexity stems from a lot of weird thoughts that have been going around in my head the past few days, mostly concerning myself, family, friends, my future and how I, as a standalone individual, will out everything to right in those specific areas. The final semester of college is 8 days away, and my first interview for a real job is 15 days away. Situations like these can really put you in perspective. As my dad put it the other day, "You're only now beginning to live". While I agree for the most part, I still take that phrase to be a bit loaded, as I'm not sure if the way I've been living so far is anything to really talk about.

Well at any rate, the past few days have gone by smoothly and quietly; we took down all the Christmas decorations on Saturday, and that night I went to Olive Garden with some family to celebrate the aforementioned birthday of mine. 'Twas quite fun. The rest of the weekend was spent finding time between my Wii and Final Fantasy XII pretty much. This week, tomorrow's my birthday (repetitive ain't I? ), I'm back at SNL starting on Wednesday and school begins the following Tuesday. I hope this semester sees more good times than the bad; I've come to expect bad things to happen now, I just have to change my perspective on the whole situation. It's a new year, to be full of many new beginnings and endings. Join me in the ride won't you?

                                                                                                               SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

Today was a day of good times, good discussion, good music (most of the time) and good news!

I'll start with the good news.

Not too long after I woke up this morning, I received a call from a number I didn't recognize. As it turned out, it was a representative from NBC who wanted to set up an interview to determine whether I'll be hired as an NBC Page! I could barely contain my elation; the guy on the other end definitely could tell that I was nervous. As he gave me the information I needed to know and the time of my interview, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. It's only the second day of 2007 and already the path towards my future is being paved...and as usual, my lack of sufficient self esteem lead me to panic - "What if I don't do well?" "Will I be hired?" "If I am will I like my job?" These thoughts and more pervaded my consciousness. In the end though, I was just glad to know that there's a chance that I'll have a job waiting for me well before graduation in May.

Later in the day, I headed over to good ol' Jabari's house (for the first time) in order to have a jam session with him (bass, keyboards, Garage Band sampling) , David and Nujoma (both on trumpet). And honestly, it was some of the best times I've had with my high school buds in a while. It was made even better when it was revealed that Nujoma hadn't picked up his instrument since we left high school in 2003; we had to teach him simple music theory all over again lol. It was great. We played along to some samples from Jabari's Garage Band program that went well, we improvised and even got a little silly playing "funky" versions of "Old MacDonald" and "Ba Ba Black Sheep" lol don't ask. The sense of nostalgia was strong; I even had a moment of deja vu, most likely due to the fact that we were all in band together back in high school. We had some laughs, good conversation, good food...I couldn't have asked for a better day

Now if the rest of my vacation can flow like this, I'll be very, very content.

                                                                                                      SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

Happy New Year again everyone!

Well, here we go again. The slate has been wiped clean and we can start anew for yet another new year. I'm hoping that 2007 will be defined by a more focused me, who will be able to swiftly adapt to the many lifestyle changes that are sure to occur during the year. When I sit down to think about it, it overwhelms me. I can't process this concept that before the year is out I'll have to begin my career. At this point all I can do is hope that it'll all work out.

I think I've already outlined my expectations for the year, so I'll avoid sounding like a broken record. I'm looking forward to my 22nd birthday in 8 days, as well as a few other choice events that should occur before the vacation ends. My immediate goal is to be more focused and coherent; strengthening my positive qualities are paramount now.

Before I end this short entry, I must say that Final Fantasy XII is VERY addicting and engrossing. I sure hope I'll have time to play when school gets back in session (wishful thinking, I know).

Here's hoping 2007 will see me a better and happier individual.

                                                                                                             SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

Despite the quite clichee title for this final xanga entry of 2006, I truly want to emphasize the significance of this day. Another 365 days have gone by, and I'm still breathing. It may seem a trivial observation to you, but I think it's very significant. 2006 has been a year of many self-changing events. I lost my grandmother to cancer. I became a full-fledged adult. I landed an internship at Saturday Night Live. I simply cannot express just how important these events and many more have been in terms of my emotional and mental growth. As each day passes, we all come upon circumstances that impact us in one way or another. No matter how close we think we are at understanding it all, we always seem to carry with us this unrelenting sense of doubt. That's what makes life so unimaginably complex.

For me, 2006 was a year to explore areas of my personality I'd never thought existed before. I spent many months in retrospect, reminiscing about the good ol' days of high school and my former life in my homeland of Trinidad. There have been times this year where I felt as if I had absolutely no reason to exist, thereby causing me to find contentment in apathy. Other times, I found the motivation to go own; to somehow triumph over my less than favorable state and prove to myself (and others) that I was worth a damn. I cannot say with certainty whether or not these fluctuating states of mind were a result of my own insecurities or my interactions with those around me, but I can say that everything has become concentrated and formulated into an ever-changing "me". In the latter months, I was forced to come to terms with my limitations as a person. Come to think of it, I still haven't quite accepeted the fact that I'm greatly underwhelming. But that's life. Right now, this is a time for reflection and self-analysis. The errors and the disappointments of the year gone by should make way for improvements in the year to come.

For 2007? I tend to shy away from making "resolutions" so to speak, instead I state my expectations. Resolutions seem to have this notorious connotation of being hard to keep; what I wish for, I sincerely mean it and will do all I can to achieve it. The new year is going to bring my way many, many trials and tribulations. The biggest one comes mid-year, when I officially enter the workforce as a college graduate. I can only hope, that my life improves from here on end. I've overcome a great deal this year; all I need is a little more emphasis on self-confidence and self-worth. If I can't believe in myself I can't hope to believe in anything. And that's what I wish for in 2007. Strength and Confidence.

So, in accordance with tradition, I shall outline all significant events of 2006

January

* I turned 21
* Began the second semester of my junior year at NYU, taking classes such as Intro to Computers and Programming and Voice Lessons.
* I was diagnosed with mild alopecia (it's a bit better now, but I still have to go back to my dermatologist)

February

* Attended my major's USG Conference (a lackluster one, as opposed to the one at Williams Lake in '05. That's one event I won't be attending in the new year)
* After months of downtime, I finally had a real jam session with some musicians I met at NYU.
* Celebrated my good friend Stan's 21st birthday in good fashion.
* The anime Samurai 7 keeps my quite entertained

March

* Attended an Augustana concert; very enjoyable
* This marked marked the beginning of my heavy nostalgia
* Eureka 7 and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG keep me happy
April

* I got Kingdom Hearts 2; amazing game.
* My grandmother passed away

May

* Spent time picking up the pieces from the aforementioned event
* Attended Bamboozle with Mike
* My dear friend Trudy got married, and I was a groomsman at her wedding

June

* Attended AnimeNext 2006,  my first anime convention in three years
* Enjoyed a relaxing summer

July

* Met  Scott Matthew; one of Yoko Kanno's guest vocalists

August

* Had a cousin's retreat in Hartford, CT at my eldest cousin Pam's house
* Games such as Shadow Hearts 3, Xenosaga 3 occupy my time

September

* Started my senior year at NYU
* Landed my first media internship at Saturday Night Live

October

* SNL provides many great experiences and brushed with celebrities
* Reunited via the web with a childhood friend from Trinidad (nostalgia recurs) '

November

* Saw the NY Dolls in concert

December

* Finally met Steve Conte; Yoko Kanno's premier vocalist!
* Christmas was fantastic, ushering in the era of the Nintendo Wii!!!!

And there you have it. Quite a year. As the years progress and the winds of change steer us towards new journeys in life, may we all find true peace of mind and contentment. My utmost wish for 2007 is to be happy with who I am as an individual, and not overly criticize myself because I fail to measure up to others. I sincerely hope I can accomplish that. Thanks for sticking around in 2006 readers, may you all find health and happiness in the new year, 2007.

                                                                                      YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.

Ah, yes. These past few days have been so uneventful and relaxed; no exams to study for, no papers to write, no job to go to...yes, these past few days have been what I'd been yearning for since midterms. Now, my daily routine consists of:

Waking up around 9 am, then falling asleep until 11 am, just because I can do that
Eat breakfast
Play my DS (I'm currently addicted to Brain Age and its mini-games, including SuDoku)
Watch TV for about an hour
Practice my bass and vocalization
Play my Nintendo Wii and Final Fantasy XII until 2:30 am
Go to bed

Rinse and repeat. The mindset behind this routine is, since this past semester has seen be out and everywhere working very hard, I can afford to take a couple days to myself at home, doing the things I want and love to do. I may not have been outside in a couple days, but I think for now it's worth it. I need time to reflect upon myself and the events of the past year, as well as what I want to achieve for myself in the not-too-distant 2007. Change is fast approaching, and I need to be in a position to embrace it. I know not what the future holds, but I do know that I'll work as hard as I can in order to make the most of whatever comes my way. I'm not perfect, but I do want to be worth it; in all aspects of my life.

I've been getting back into a jazz frame of mind ever since Steve Conte's show the passion has been reignited. I'm also glad that I've been consistently playing my bass these past few days; soon I'll be looking out for a jam session somewhere, to see if it all paid off.

Well, that's enough of an update for now. If you'll excuse me, I'll be playing some Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess on my Nintendo Wii

                                                                                                SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Here were are yet again; it never fails to amaze me how fast Christmas seems to come (and go). This year though, is one for the record books. Here's why.

I woke up around the usual time on Christmas morning (as of late the time tends to be 9:30) and had to wait for the rest of my family to arise. Soon enough they did and we gathered around the tree, taking pictures and opening gifts. This year I was fortunate to receive Final Fantasy XII, a Nintendo DS Lite, Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition, some jazz CDs by way of my dear cousin Shanella (along with a gift card to Barnes and Noble), clothes and cologne. After those were opened, my parents came out with one last gift for my sister and I, and lo and behold...

It was a FRICKIN' Nintendo Wii!!!

I pretty much lost my mind; I didn't even ask for it because I didn't want to ask for too much this year, and even though the Wii is not as expensive as a PS3 I thought that what I had initially asked for was enough. But, those parents of mine got it for me (and my sister). Additionally, we got the Wii must-have The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, and an extra controller. I was extremely happy and grateful. I guess in spite of the differences my parents and I have had in the past, they don't hold it against me and do what they can to make me happy. I'll be sure to remember this for the new year. In some ways I feel as if I didn't deserve to get the Wii but I did, and I'm going to do my best to show them I can earn it.

And so, Christmas 2006 was spent with family and friends who briefly visited, a big delicious breakfast and lunch, and of course gaming on the headlining gift the Wii . Nintendo has made a serious gaming machine here; I love it to death.

Not even the rain could harm my Christmas spirit. This year's season wasn't without it's hurt though; it's the first Christmas without my grandmother. Mom was definitely hurting, but we tried our best to make her feel better. I've accepted that she's in a better place, and that time has to go on. Her memory will never die.

As for Final Fantasy XII...I'm hooked. It's a gorgeous, immaculate game that sucks you in with the first cutscene. And since I have no school, no work and no SNL...whenever I'm not hanging out or practicing my music...I'm playing that game and my Wii. What a Christmas. It's the last one where I'll still be a college student. As such, I will cherish it dearly.

Now, it's all a matter of embracing the season...I still want to give certain people gifts and see friends I haven't seen in a while. I need to embrace this ever so tightly; for when I let go, I'll have one arduous road ahead.

Merry Christmas to you all, and to all a good night.

                                                                          MERRY CHRISTMAS, FROM THE SPACE COWBOY!

To those who know me, they know all too well how sentimental I get around this time of year. Not to mention analytical, at least in terms of my life and aspects past. And since today happens to be yet another glorious Christmas Eve, the mood has hit again like an annual tidal wave. Reflections will be expressed, as well as sentiments present and future.

So, another Christmas Eve. I look upon this one with amazement in the sense that with each one that passes by I find that I attain a higher sense of awareness about my life. Many things have happened this past year. Some good, some bad as is always the case. And as if on cue, I always feel overwhelmed. My year in review entry will have to wait until New Year's Eve...at this moment, now, I am inexplicably perplexed. Perplexed at the level of "wisdom" I have attained in this year alone, and I say "wisdom" because it did not necessarily make me smarter per se; instead it made me more aware of myself and the person I am becoming. I still need to gain a firm grasp on rationalizing aspects of my life. I need to crawl out of my shell and take a more aggressive stance when it comes to attaining certain goals. My self-esteem needs rebuilding and solidifying. Conversely, I also noted some positive characteristics; I'm a bit more level headed now than I have ever been in my life, and when it comes to focusing on a task I rarely never quit until its completion; usually to favorable outcomes.

The questions that circulate within my mind are staggering. These days they lean towards the topic of my future. This Christmas Eve is significant because, unlike the Eves past, I cannot say assuredly where I will end up a year later. Last year I knew I'd be a college senior. This year...who the hell knows. I do know one thing - I want to become a better, stronger person who will be able to earn the respect of others. I don't know how to go about doing that, though, wherein lies the problem. How do I move forward without knowing how? It may not make any sense to you...hell it barely makes sense to me. All I know is this: my life is not entirely where I want it to be. While I accept that life is not (and may never truly be) perfect, I want to be able to gain some kind of foothold that gives me leverage in terms of change. Throughout the year I've had this unsettling feeling that I am losing a part of myself without gaining anything. I'm like a caterpillar perpetually stuck in the cocoon stage; not quite caterpillar, not yet a butterfly. And the more I try to focus of trying to come up with answers, the more questions I find. At times, what I know to be true about myself ends up turning into a lie, and that is what scares me most. And I doubt there is a single person in my life capable of understanding.

My relationship with my family continues to walk the line between strained and strong. Right now it teeters on the former. The more I grow, the less they understand. It's only natural I suppose. But whenever I hear about the great relationships other people my age have with their own families (especially parents) I can't help but feel envious. I wish things were different, but now I realize that I have to accept the facts for what they are and somehow tolerate the nonsense without causing a major problem. That will be my mindset in the coming new year.

Looking through past xanga entries, and photo albums I have on my computer and in reality, I truly marvel at how far I've come. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth growing older at all. I smile at the photos of my younger self, and laugh at how naïve I was. I had no idea back then. I wonder if ten years from now I'll say the same thing and laugh.

Ah well. Too many thoughts. Right now, I just want to embrace the final few hours before Christmas tomorrow, which will hopefully go as well as they have been known to. Until then.

                                                                                                       SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

And so, finals for me are finally over (pardon the pun).

To celebrate, I treated myself to a concert I haven't been to in quite some time; a jazz concert.

Headlined by none other than the amazing Steve Conte.

After meeting Scott Matthew this past summer, I made it a mission of mine to make sure and show my support for every musician I can find who has collaborated with the great Yoko Kanno. I've been to many of Scott's shows, but I haven't been able to find one of Steve's. He was harder to find due to the fact that he is a member of the rock band the New York Dolls and was touring the States this fall. Finally, I got an email today saying that he was going to playing jazz at a nearby venue with his brother and other musicians. As luck would have it, I happened to be in the city for my job's Christmas party (which would be my last ) and I had to submit my final for Creative Writing. Plus, I had my camera with me. So of course, it was a no brainer - I had to go to that show.

And I'm so glad I did. The venue was nearby on 1st avenue, and in a relaxed atmosphere; typical of jazz settings. Some opening musicians performed and were quite good. During the break, Steve Conte arrived with his band, and he was able to recognize me from myspace, and the NY Dolls concert a few weeks ago. It was great; I was nervous and jittery like some ten year old who just met Kirsten Dunst or something But I relaxed, and ended up talking quite candidly with Steve; we talked about his work with Yoko, the Dolls and his future solo project (which I'm really excited about!). At one point he did an impression of Yoko Kanno instructing him during a session Classic!!! Then he and the band performed and it got the musician in me moving...especially when they played the Miles Davis classic "Freddie Freeloader". Afterwards, his mother (a jazz singer herself) performed some songs in a very Ella Fitzgerald tone that impressed me immensely. When they were all done I chatted with Steve some more and got pictures with him and his brother John, who is a bassist like myself and collaborates with Steve quite often. Steve was so down to earth and eager in our conversations; I was really grateful.

These are the artists I enjoy, and am inspired by. So you can keep your commercialized "music"...I'll be content with the indies

Now, as my vacation begins, I have peace of mind and am looking forward to Christmas Day and the days where I can play bass, read, write poems/song lyrics and hopefully have a jam session or two. 2006 was quite a year. While I can't say that everything is perfect, for now - this moment - I can smile.

Steve Conte and the band play some serious jazz.

Steve on an improvized jazz solo

Steve and John Conte's mother, an amazing jazz vocalist!

Me and the Conte brothers! (John to my right, Steve to my left)

Me and Steve Conte (I look like a dork but I don't care...I got a picture with Steve Conte and you didn't lol)

                                                                                                     SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...