It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Pardon the Dicken's reference, but I can find no better phrase to start this particular entry, which will describe my thoughts regarding the newly concluded chapter of a seemingly endless phase of my life. The four years I spent at New York University honestly flew by before I could catch a moment's breath. All of a sudden, I'm faced with the daunting tasks of facing reality and establishing myself in the so-called "real world". If the lyrics of John Mayer mean anything, such a concept does not exist. But musicians have been wrong before. At any rate, these last four years were amazing, horrendous, memorable, nightmarish, enlightening, disillusioning...among many others. But I think one world simply, and aptly, sums everything up:

Life.

Ever since I was capable of retaining memories, I've always been the kind of person that would question everything that went on around me. A lot of times I never got the answers I sought (or perhaps I was never satisfied with the ones I was provided) but I persevered. Growing up I was plagued with self-doubt and a bit of self-loathing for one reason or another, but for the amount of times I found myself trapped by those handicaps I would always find something that would make me feel better about it all, or at the very least it would take the pain away for a brief amount of time. I would have to say that this occurred more frequently during my time in America than it did back home, only because I was very sheltered back then, and a lot more naïve. The more I became exposed to the reality of life, the more I became aware of myself. I've said all of this to show that my years at NYU were mostly revolutionary. I learned things about myself and people that I don't think I could have learned had I continued living my sheltered life back in Trinidad. The things I learned were both good and bad. All in all, it made me come to the conclusion that everything in life is never in black and white. I believe more in the concept of yin and yang; life is composed of many primal opposites but they are complementary; one cannot exist without the other. Righteousness cannot exist without the unrighteous, good without evil, and so on. Instead of trying to lambaste the "other" and proclaim that one thing is "ideal" or "right", I think it's better to come to terms with it all, and live your own live without denouncing that which is foreign to us. That way may lead to a better lived life, to me anyway.

As far as experiences go, man they've been aplenty. Trips to Dorney Park, paintball, Williams Lake...my first concert, followed by a slew of concerts (Warped Tour, Switchfoot, Bamboozle, The New York Dolls just to name a few). Meeting Yoko Kanno's collaborators Scott Matthew and Steve Conte, discovering new music, developing a deeper appreciation of poetry and literature...and of course, the INSANE amounts of new anime that I found during my college years thanks to my time at NYU's Anime Club; Naruto, Bleach, Evangelion, Gunslinger Girl...ah heck they're too many to mention! Going to my first anime convention in 2003 (Big Apple Anime Fest) and my second in 2006 (AnimeNext)...working a steady part-time for the majority of my college career, and most recently, becoming a part of the legendary Saturday Night Live as an intern.

Ah the limitations of the human capacity for memory. As good as it is, it's not the best. I've had a ton more experiences than listed here but I guess I just can't list them all. I think I've gotten pretty close though. On a side note, my last night at SNL was Saturday, and I shall miss it dearly. At the afterparty I got to hang out with a few cast members and saw some famous people to boot. Great times indeed.

And now, after the time of reflection will be the time of action. I've gotta get out there, somehow, and make something decent out of my life. After two decades of the school scene, this is gonna take some getting used to, naturally. I'm still not sure of what to do, or how the hell to get there, but it's something that I have to do. I have ideas, but I doubt I have the confidence. It's a work in progress though.

This entry may be my last for a while. It's not that I'm done with blogging or anything, it's just that now that I'm at home trying to find a start to my career, the only things I'll have to write about are anime and video games . Maybe I should say that this entry will be my last "serious" one for a while, until the next phase of my life begins. I will of course update as it gets closer to my trip home, and if I can, I'll update from there. Until then mes amies, take care.

                                                                   SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY, SOMEWHERE, SOMEDAY!

On this day, Tuesday May 10th 2007, I have graduated from New York University cum laude!!!!!!

But to be honest, many emotions flood my consciousness now. I just can't believe how fast time went by! There's just something about the ephemeralness of it all that's quite overwhelming right now. This entry will be just a play by play of the day, with some pictures. My next one will be rife with sentiments of all kinds and natures.

Woke up at literally the crack of dawn, 6 in the am. Headed out the house to line up with my school at around 8:15 or so. My dear friend Carmen was there to greet me and take pictures with friends I managed to bump into. Then we proceeded down towards Washington Square Park. After we were all seated the ceremony began. Nothing spectacular, but it was something I'll always remember. Wynton Marsalis, jazz legend, performed an amazing trumpet solo; he was there to receive an honorary doctorate degree in Music; it was great. Then before I knew it, I became an alumnus. Wow.

Afterwards I met up with Carmen, some more friends and the family and we headed to my job for the graduation celebration there. We only spent a short time, but we took a ton of pictures. Then we headed to Red Lobster for lunch. The food took much too long to come but it was worth it. While there parents surprised me with my graduation gift:

A trip back home!

Oh yes, this July I shall return to the land of my birth; it promises to be a highly emotional experience. The family will be coming with me of course, so that's good. In other gifts, I received God of War II for my sister, a Gamestop gift card from Carmen and, a new Ipod from my best friend Mike and money from various family

It has truly been a long four years, but now this chapter of my life has ended. Purgatory starts now, and I shall wait until I find that stairway that leads to heaven. More thoughts will follow in a future entry.

                                                           CONGRATULATIONS SPACE COWBOY...YOU MADE IT!

And so, the swan song continues.

Yesterday was the bachelor's ceremony for my school, The Steinhardt School. The ceremony was quite enjoyable and a definite change in perspective on my part. You see when I graduated from high school I didn't get to sit with the other graduates because I was in the band, and had to perform. This time around it felt weird not being on stage with my bass but it was good nonetheless. The speakers were interesting and thankfully not long-winded. One of them was actually quite inspiring; I think his speech is the reason I have a glimmer of hope that everything's going to work out in the end. Then we had the usual pomp and circumstance progression on stage (no diplomas or anything, just a handshake from the deans)...the damn announcer pronounced my name wrong  but I won't get bitter over it. Afterwards I took some pictures with friends and family, then headed home to finish the day quietly.

All during my time there I kept reflecting on everything that's happened to me since my college career began. The feeling occupying me right now is one similar to the way I felt four years ago when I was leaving high school, but this time the sensation is more akin to the end of a epic movie or something. I mean my LIFE is, in essence, now beginning as I make my way into the so-called "real world". Daunting as that task is, I have to face it, and say goodbye to the life I was used to these past four years.

Speaking of goodbye, I'm writing this from my job; my last day. Words can't describe how I feel right now, it's very similar to how I felt when I left Trinidad for America almost a decade ago. Leaving this place is almost as big as leaving NYU; this job taught me so much and led me to so many new experiences. As in life, there were great times and crappy times but I lived through them. I don't know if that's a testament to my inner strength or just pure luck but whatever it is, it saw me through. I never worked here for any kind of recognition or award; I needed experience and had to learn responsibilty on the job. Everything I've learned here will stay with me and hopefully make me perform even better on my next job. I'll miss this place, but I won't get too sentimental. These days I'm trying my best to look forward and make change. I probably won't do too good a job on that, especially as Commencement comes on Thursday, but I'll try.

That's all for now. There are many more ends for me to write about, and they'll be written as they come.

                                                                                                   TO BE CONTINUED...

Well, tomorrow's the bachelor's ceremony. My mind's full of so much right now, it almost feels as if it'll collapse on itself. So much to think about, so much to remember, so much stuff to work out. I'm not really sure if I can get it all into words but I'll try my best. Not now though.

Instead, I'll outline how things are going to play out these next two weeks. Tomorrow, graduation ceremony no. 1. Tuesday's my last day on the job at NYU. Wednesday I return for my last two week stint at SNL. Thursday's the second and true graduation ceremony, Friday and Saturday I'm back at SNL, Sunday is Mother's Day. Get all that?
The following week: Wednesday, Friday and Saturday will see my play out my final days at 30 Rock. After that...

?

That's pretty much where everything stands right now. I'm writing the conclusion to a considerably large chapter in my life and I have no leads on writing the introduction to the next one. Sure I have ideas, but nothing concrete. I have no idea if anything'll work or happen for me once these two weeks fly by (and they will). I'll try my best to figure it out, however.

I sure hope I can anyway.

                                                                                             YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT...

I'm getting an award today

As I update this entry I'm listening to "Rouya" from the Cowboy Bebop Limited Edition boxset....good song.

Well, the day came and went and now 'tis time to share. The award I received was the Bertha Dixon award for academic excellence and service to the Opportunity Programs. The Opportunity Programs is the division of NYU where I work. I had no idea this award existed, nor that I was in line to get one. I just received an email one day and was congratulated by co-workers and counselors I work with. Needless to say I was very grateful and humbled by their kindness; never once had I ever thought about my work being anything great or significant, but it is great to know that someone appreciates what I do and was willing to say thanks. Made me feel pretty darn good about myself.

The ceremony was small, short and sweet. There were award recipients other than myself who were receiving awards, some for academic achievements, others for getting into prestigious med schools. Before I knew it it was over. My program isn't large at all, and I didn't expect more than there was, so I was content. Now, the award sits on my space saver, and I sit in contemplation.

Time went by so quickly. I know I keep saying this and it's way past cliche but I can't help it. Listening to this sentimental song doesn't help either. I will say this though; as the days move on, I'm becoming more aware of my position in this life. What that position is, will have to be kept to myself. But don't worry, it's one I'm content with

The first graduation ceremony's on Monday. This will be an emotional week indeed...
 
                                                                                                               SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

I thought this day would never come. And yet, it has. Today marks the end of another era, the end of another chapter in my fledgling life. The weight that's been lifted off of my shoulders feels almost too good to be real. But I can't be lazy; though I may be graduating I have to plan out (essentially) the rest of my life by finding my first full-time job. A daunting task, but one I am fully prepared to take on. It's going to be an emotional couple of days, as I count down the days to graduation and realize that I'll be saying goodbye to many people once again. When I return to SNL for my final two weeks on May 9th it'll be more of the same; 30 Rock has come to be almost like a second home and I've truly enjoyed my time there. There are no openings for a full-time position there unfortunately but I have contacts who will forward my resume when appropriate.

I can't even describe how I'm feeling now, it just can't be real that I'm done with my college career. Excitement, worry, anxiety, doubt, despair; they're all fluctuating inside me. Time flies by much too fast...

As graduation approaches I'll be updating more frequently to express my thoughts and to have a look back on the last four years of my life and to look towards the future. Today, I'm going to reward myself with some new books at Barnes and Noble and a new video game (most like Pokemon Diamond -  and yes you read correctly). I also plan on getting my head back into music (not through my Ipod sadly...how I miss my Ipod!!!!)

Somehow, someway....I'll come to term with myself and the rapid changes occurring in my life. Some things are going to be sacrificed that I may not like, but if I work hard and put everything into what I do maybe it'll be worth it. I add "maybe" because there's always that element of uncertainty in life to deal with. But I'm not going to worry now. Now, I'm going to relax, write down some goals, listen to some jazz...and wait for the credits to roll.

Part 1: Relief (end)
                                                                                                          TO BE CONTINUED...

The rains have seemed to subside for now...today we were graced with gorgeous 60 degree weather and it helped to ease my mind a bit.

The coming Monday marks my final week in college. The thought of it makes me shudder. But I won't even go into how I feel about it...I'm more concerned with what I'm going to do about the INSANE amount of work I have to get done this week. A final portfolio and paper due Tuesday, a paper due Wednesday and the following Monday...as well as my final internship paper...*sigh* going out with a bang seems to be a speciality of mine.

But get through it I shall...and then I have to figure out how I'm going to spend my time once I graduate. I'll save those thoughts for a later entry. For now, I'll just say that I'm loving the fact that I'm reading for pleasure again; The Dresden Files is an extremely gripping book. I may have no Ipod, but this'll do fine. I beat Final Fantasy XII a few days ago and left quite satisfied. Now it's a matter of beating the game again with all sidequests and ultimate weapons in my possession. Anime-wise, Bleach, Blood+, Eureka 7 and Naruto are awesome, I'm slowly getting into Darker than Black and hopefully I'll be getting into some new anime soon.

So now I'm counting down to the end of another chapter in my life...and the beginning of a strange kind of purgatory...

                                                                                                        SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

You know what sucks?

When you hear a song you haven't heard in over a decade and just KNOW that there are memories attached to it.

But for the life of you, you can't remember what those memories were.

What hurts even more is that there's something inside that's telling you that those memories...were some of the best.

*sigh*

The end is so close I can taste it.

But the question is...is said taste sweet, bitter, or bittersweet?

I honestly can't say.

What I can say, is that graduation is ever encroaching and the closer it gets, the more I realize that I may have no idea what the future has in store for me. I mean, I have my hopes and dreams, but the thing about reality is that it isn't always very kind. Sometimes we fail in life, and I guess that's just one of the many things that worry me. I'm also really concerned with how I'm going to find my first job. My main concern with that is that it has to be something I love doing; I'm not going to just settle for anything. That's what I did during my job search in college, not really ideal for life afterwards. The hope is that everything will work out as long I work hard and do what I'm supposed to do.

In other news, my dear dear Ipod has passed away

Yeap. She kicked the bucket this past Saturday. She was a good Ipod...got me through some tough times. And rather than lament and wallow in self-pity, I'm gonna use this no-portable-music phase to do other things during the times when I'd usually be listening to my Ipod. For example, on the train I can do my assigned readings. When I don't have to do those I can read my books for pleasure again (currently reading Storm Front - The Dresden Files. Friggin' awesome book), freewrite poetry or meditate. At the same time, I can take a break from all the songs I've been listening to ad nauseum, so that by the time I buy my new Ipod my ears will be fresh and open not just to my usual songs but new ones which I will be on the search for between now and then. So far so good, I haven't broken out in a cold sweat from Ipod withdrawal yet 

And life goes on. School's fine, getting down to the wire which means I'll be working my ass off. SNL's going good, Shia LaBeouf hosts with Avril Lavigne as musical guest. Nothing special.

Hopefully things will all work themselves out...got no choice now but to see this through 'till the end.

                                                                                                            SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...

It's quiet here. Too quiet.

Currently it's about 2:02 pm and I'm here at my desk at work. There's not much to do anymore since my boss had left and everything has already been planned out for the rest of the semester. So I'm sitting here, thinking about what I want to eat for lunch. But that's not all I'm thinking about. I'm also thinking about this mild case of senioritis that has seemed to follow me lately. In class yesterday, while the professor was talking all  I kept thinking about was what I was going to do next in Final Fantasy XII, what new anime I should be watching and what new game I'm going to get for my DS once I get my paycheck this week. Terrible isn't it? But I also think about where I'm going to send my resume next, and what I can do to be employed before September. It's just that the closer I get to graduation, the more useless classes seem to be to me. I got one of my midterm papers back (got a B) and I didn't even read the professor's comment. I was quite content with my grade. And it's not to say that I'm not ambitious, but these days grades seems less and less important. Don't worry though; I'll make sure I pass all my classes and get my degree. I can't really explain it...there's about a month left of classes and that means I'll be done with school for good. Maybe that's why I seem to be more apathetic. Then there are my post-college goals; getting a job that I will love, involving myself seriously in music, developing myself creatively in terms of said music, drawing and writing. Indulging my hobbies of anime and games to a level I couldn't when I had classes and homework to worry about. I guess I'm so anxious to leave this current phase of my life that I seem to have become somewhat detached from it all. But it's ironic because in the same breath I'll sometimes wish for my younger days, when goals were not as important as watching the newest episode of Gundam Wing or (even further back) riding my bike and playing with my two pet dogs back in Trinidad. It's strange. But as someone was telling me recently, although graduating from college will be a great stress relief , the next phase of my life may be no less stressful; just more worries to pile on the plate. Typical I guess.

So these are the thoughts that find me. I'm hoping that things will get better, as I always do. But I hope to live these last few moments of college to the fullest so I have no regrets. That may be hard to do though, because I have a habit of making a life full of them.

                                                                                                             SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY...